He cut off a piece of chicken, and
ate it. It was delicious. How she managed to throw
together something this good so quick was beyond him.
"So, what are we going to
do?" she asked, before eating a forkful of rice.
Ryan shook his head. He had thought
about it off and on all afternoon, and he wasn't any
closer to getting an idea. He gave her the best he
had.
"I'll talk with Bill tomorrow.
He's a lawyer, teaches a class for the paralegal
program. Maybe he'll have an idea."
"Did they say who saw
you?" Kate paused for a moment, realizing that
wasn't what she wanted to say. "Who said
they saw you?"
He shook his head again. "They're
being very coy about that." He took another bite of
chicken. "As a wild guess, if the woman was a
prostitute at the hotel, she was probably well known by
some of the hotel staff."
She sat with her empty fork in mid-air, a puzzled
expression on her face. "But why say it was you she
was with?"
"That's what I don't get. Other than when we
checked in, and when we checked out, I don't think we
talked to anyone on the hotel staff."
"We didn't." Her fork still hovered.
"If their witness is so good, why did they let you
go?"
"Maybe he -- or she -- isn't so good. Or maybe
they're confused because you and I each told the same
story."
"I just told the truth."
"And so did I. That's what I mean." He took
a drink of ice water.
"Maybe it's both -- we told the truth and their
witness isn't very good." Kate cut off a piece of
chicken. "I still don't understand why the witness
picked you to accuse out of an entire hotel of
people."
Ryan stabbed some salad. "It's very
disturbing."
They ate in silence for a while, and Ryan could tell
there was a lot on her mind, a lot that bothered her
beyond what she'd already said. This was the first they
had spoken about it since they returned home just after
noon, and he was sure there were a lot more questions
coming. He had a lot of his own. He would have to deal
with them one by one, as they occurred.
He didn't have to wait long.
"Maybe someone is trying to blackmail you,"
Kate said.
"For what? We don't have a lot of money."
She was quiet again for a minute, picking at her
salad.
"Ry, I know you've been honest with me about your
past. Maybe too honest. You told me things you didn't
have to, that I didn't need to know. But now ... well, I
can't help thinking about them ... and how it
relates."
He had been too honest, but he knew that at some point
something was going to pop back up and haunt him. He
decided to come clean about it all so that if and when
something popped up he wouldn't have to stammer and
stutter some lame defense. If he told the truth right
from the start, Kate could walk away rather than find out
five years into their marriage when so much more was at
stake.
"I know," he said. "But because I had
... visited prostitutes a couple of times doesn't mean I
killed one. Or wanted to kill one. Or kill anybody. I may
have my low points, Kate, but murder is not one of
them."
"I know, and I didn't mean--" She stopped
herself, staring down at her plate. "It's just the
coincidence."
"And that's all it is. You know that."
"But could it be blackmail?"
He thought for several moments, cutting the last piece
of chicken in half. "I suppose, but I don't know
why. Who would they tell? You already know. If the rest
of the world found out, I'd be embarrassed, but I don't
think the shock waves would be that bad. College
professors have done worse and survived."
"Could it be one of the--" She paused again,
frowning. "One of the students?"
He knew this was particularly painful for her,
something she may have to deal with everyday. He did.
Once a teacher has an affair with a student, life can
lose control. And if there had been more than one ...
"It could be," was all he said.
"You said one of them had fallen in love with
you."
Kate was finding herself less cautious, more brave
with her choice of words.
"Yes. That's what she said." He ate the last
bite, chewing deliberately, choosing his own words
carefully. He could feel himself getting annoyed. It
wasn't Kate's fault, but he had to force himself to not
snap at her. "That was over a year ago. I haven't
heard from her since."
She sat with her hands in her lap, head bowed, looking
defeated, her dinner only half eaten.
"Kate," he said softly, waiting for her to
look up. It took her several seconds to do so, then he
gazed across the table, his eyes not wavering from hers.
"You know the truth. I can't ask you to believe any
more than that."
She spent a few moments absorbing this, her eyes
tearing up, then she nodded, her head bowed again.
Ryan stood and walked around the table, kneeling next
to her chair. He put his hand on the back of her head and
drew her close. She slumped against him, and sniffed.
"We've only been married two weeks," she
whispered.
He remained silent.
"Why does this have to happen now? Why couldn't
it wait a year or two?"
"What was it the pastor at church said a few
weeks ago? That God will only burden us with as much as
we can handle." He paused, listening to her sniff
again. She was still limp against his shoulder; she
wasn't rejecting him, but she wasn't embracing him
either. "God must think we're pretty strong."
Kate sighed heavily, almost shuddering. "Yeah. I
guess I'm like any other girl, wanting a fairy tale and
getting stuck with reality."
"I'll tell you what: Why don't you go take a nice
long bath while I clean this up, and then when you're
done, I'll give you a full body massage."
There was a long pause, and he almost thought she
wasn't going to respond.
"I'm not really in the mood to ... you
know."
"Who said anything about 'you know'? I just want
to get you to relax and try to get your mind off of this,
then get a good night's sleep. I'll even make you some Nighty-Night Tea."
Another very long pause. He waited patiently.
"You're acting like you've done something
wrong," she said.
He closed his eyes. That hurt.
And then another very long pause.
"A bath sounds nice," she finally said.
"I'm sorry."
His hand gently rubbed the back of her head.
He continued to hold her until she sat up. Her eyes
were clear, and she gave him a small but warm smile.
"Thanks, Ry. I don't mean to be so ...
neurotic."
He shook his head. "You're not. You're being
normal. I'm lucky you're being this nice."
Kate studied him carefully, as if this was the first
time she had looked at him.
"You're really trying, aren't you?"
Ryan closed his eyes and turned his head, nodding.
"Is it that hard? Is the temptation that
great?"
He shook his head. "It's just -- I'm trying to
put it behind me. Us." He paused, thinking.
"It's the guilt."
Her hand came up to his face, sliding down his cheek.
"I love you, Ry."
He looked up, meeting her gaze. There was so much
compassion there, he almost had to look away again.
"And I love you."
She stuck her finger out at him. "Now, do the
dishes."
He smiled, and she leaned forward, wrapping her arms
around him and hugging tightly. A minute later, she broke
away, kissed him quickly, and was out of the chair and
out of the room.
He began collecting the plates, putting things away,
clearing the table. He would wait until she had finished
running her bath before he ran the dishwasher so she
could have all the hot water she needed.
He put away what he could, then leaned against the
counter, arms crossed on his chest, one foot casually
crossed over the other, listening to the water start
running upstairs, thinking, when the telephone rang. He
moved over three feet and picked it up before the second
ring could start.
"Hello?"
"Ryan?"
"Yes."
"It's Nicki."
He gritted his teeth. God, why now?
"Hi."
"Hi. Um ... I heard you got married."
"Yes, a couple of weeks ago."
"Congratulations."
"Thanks."
He waited, listening to the water running upstairs,
and to the silence on the phone.
"I'm sorry to bother you, but ... I've been
wrestling with this for a month now, and--"
"Nicki, I told you. It's over. I'm sorry, but it
has to be."
The silence that came over the line now was stark,
harsh. But only for a couple of moments.
"Yes, you made that quite clear." The bubbly
but hesitant voice was gone, replaced with anger. "I
have no wish to start up anything, but as I was trying to
say, I've been wrestling with something for over a month
now, and I want you to understand that I'm not asking
anything of you, but I only think it's right that you
should know. Whether you want to do anything or not is up
to you. As I said, I don't want anything."
He closed his eyes. "Oh, God," he said,
barely above a whisper.
"Yes," she said.
"How ..." His mouth didn't want to say it.
He forced himself. "How far along?"
"Eleven weeks, give or take."
He did the backward math. That would make it late
May/early June. Just before he broke it off.
"I used a condom."
Her anger was gone. "Yes, you did." Now
there was what sounded like sadness, or sympathy. "I
don't know how it happened, and I'm not really sure it
matters. I just thought you should know. Goodbye,
Ryan."
"Wait."
He heard the water shut off upstairs.
Nicki waited.
He tried to put a sentence together.
"What are you going to do?"
"What do you mean?"
She knew what he meant. She was making him work.
"Are you going to keep it, or ... what?"
She took in and let out a deep breath. "I haven't
decided, but I'll have to soon." A long pause.
"I'm leaning toward keeping it."
"Okay," he said, wondering how he could
change her mind. He probably couldn't. "Will you let
me know?"
She thought about this. "Yes. I will."
"And another favor? Please don't call me here.
Please."
"Sure. I understand."
She wanted to say something more, but hesitated.
He had no idea what to say. Or if he should say it
once he thought of it.
"I'm sorry," she said, and hung up.
He didn't move, phone still to his ear.
Me, too, he thought.
Then a voice.
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and
try again. If you need help, please hang up and then dial
the operator. This is a recording."
